I have kinda started writing a book, not sure if its going anywhere but I would like to post a couple paragraphs. Let me know what you think.

Life is interesting; there are all sorts of twists and turns. Everyone sees the world differently; some people are closed to only seeing it how they believe they should see it based on their religion and/or culture. There is nothing wrong with that, everyone is entitled to their own views. But that’s how they should stay; their own. Not everyone sees things the same, so forcing beliefs on others is just not appropriate. I remember when I was little and we would have people coming to our door trying to push their beliefs on us, they seemed to think that if everyone didn’t believe the same as them then the rest would go to “hell”.

 

I like to think I am open minded, I tend to see things differently than many people. I was born and raised Christian. Went to Church every Sunday, did Sunday School, went to Church camps. I was forced to believe one way, I was closed off to the rest of the World. According to the religion I was raised people can’t be gay, lesbian, queer, or transgender. So here I am this confused child feeling trapped in the body of the wrong gender and being forced to believe that God did not approve of who I am and that I would basically be going to Hell. Think about that for a minute. What would that do to a child who is trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in this world?

I will tell you it was hard for me. I was very confused and torn, I pushed the real me away and forced myself to be who my family and Church wanted me to be. I put a smile on my face, was polite and always did as I was told. But alone in my room I was heartbroken and terrified. I had no one to turn to; I was alone and trapped in this mold others were creating for me. So many people like to say what is right and what is wrong, but I am the only one in my head no one else knows how I feel and who I am but me. So why was I being told that who I am, is wrong?

 

I kept my feelings to my self for a long time. It was hard, I felt like I was just acting my way through life. I would meet people and in order to try to fit in I would take pieces of them to create my ‘character’. I had no idea who I was and neither did anyone else, but only I knew that I was just portraying a character. Inside I was depressed, it was eating away at me. In grade 7, at only 12 years of age, I wanted to end it all. There were many times I held a bottle of pills and water just wanting to take away the pain, or held a knife wanting to cut out all the bad thoughts within me. No one should feel pain like that and feel forced to hide it. Luckly I was strong enough to put down the bottle of pills and knife and walk away. I actually owe some of my strength to carry on with life to Celine Dion. I would sit alone in my room listening to her music and just cry. I dreamt of meeting her and telling her that she is the reason I am still alive. For some reason it was only her music at the time that helped me to cry out the pain and feel like I could keep going; that things would get better. So thank you Celine Dion, I am happy to still be here and stronger than ever.