Coming to terms with being trans was very difficult for me. I first knew I liked girls, so I figured I was a lesbian and thats what I told people. It felt right for a while then I started feeling like that just wasn't it. I gradually stated dressing more like a guy and cut my hair to match my masculine look, that started feeling more right. But I still didn't know I was guy trapped in a girls body. 

 I started living a very androgynous life and would get "Sired" and "Ma'amed" all the time. I noticed I liked being "Sired" a lot more. I was confusing a lot of people though because I had a very feminine voice, but looked like a guy. So I would get "Sired" then I would talk and then the person would apologize and be like "I am so sorry Ma'am!"  I hated it!! 

 I started doing more internal searching to find out who I am, and started discovering that I really felt like I should have been born in a male body. This was really hard to deal with. I didn't know how I would be able to transition! I knew my family wouldn't understand and how do I tell my friends? What about jobs? Was I going to be judged and always feeling like I am hiding something? I had so many questions and fears about transitioning that I just kept trying to tell myself that I was happy being an androgynous person. So I buried my feelings of wanting to be fully seen as a guy. 

Burying my feelings only worked for so long, they kept returning and each time were stronger and stronger. But I was still too scared. My depression and anxiety where getting really bad. There would be days where I couldn't leave the apartment or some days even my bed. I didn't know who to turn to. I watched a lot of guys on youtube and what a lot of them said made total sense to me, it was like they were in my head!  Then I met one of my great friends, and he was trans! My first trans friend, I was able to talk to him about what was going on and feel like i was not alone. I was still too scared to start transitioning but after a while started binding and LOVED having a flat chest, then I had a few friends start referring to me as male and with male names. It felt right, I was started to be happy. 

But now, how do I tell everyone I know that I am going to transition? Am I strong enough to do it? I still had tons of unanswered questions..