This is Les' story. Les identifies as a trans guy. 

My childhood was confusing, tumultuous, full of shame and fear. I could never be small or silent enough. Reading and writing my own stories allowed me to escape to a place that made sense and made me happy. I didn't know that I felt like a boy, because I didn't know it was possible for a person to change their sex. But I knew that I felt wrong, and thinking about the fictional characters I admired made me feel better.

As a teenager, I learned via the Internet that trans men existed and realized that I was one. Throughout most of my life, and until very recently, the only trans community that I've known has been online. My information, my friends, my support, my role models. When I hear someone from my parents generation disparaging millennials' "obsession" with technology, I wish I could look them in the eye and say "without the interenet I would be dead." 

 This is the dress I wore to my highschool prom. I guess most people would say that I was a beautiful woman, and I always feared that if I wasn't beautiful, I would be worthless. My long hair and makeup was my armour, my femininity was cold and deliberate, the thing that kept me separated from the secret self I was terrified of letting out.

The last time I self harmed was a year ago. I've never been afraid of the scars that surgery would leave on my body one day. There's a quote I read once that a scar just means you are stronger than whatever tried to kill you.

 For me, being trans has been mostly a lifetime of waiting. I always told myself that I would be able to come out as soon as I graduated, as soon as I moved out of my parents' house, as soon as I did X or Y and so time slowly trickled down. Three years, five years, eight years. Eleven years after I realized I was trans, I heard someone call me "he" for the first time.

 I have done a lot of terrible things to my body - I've starved it, marked it, poisoned it. There use to be days where I couldn't get out of bed in the morning and I didn't think that would ever change. But with taking testosterone and living healthier I'm learning to coexist with it. I'm learning to celebrate the strength and resilience I had all along. I'm learning not to be afraid of myself.